Funny Status Messages

   today I didnt even have to use my ak....... gotta say it was a good day...

   after watching the Maryland/Navy game, I have to say that I am a little concerned about national security. I mean, the armed forces should be able to strategize better than anyone, right?!?

   trying to drown all her troubles, but couldn't get her husband to go swimming.

   I'm going to miss you SOOO much! It's not just the sex....it's the food preparation too!! ;)

   Based on my life circumstances, I better be a rockstar in my next life.

   Problems are only really ever a problem when you let them become that way . Keep it simple !!

   working, and having short Facebook breaks... but is now on Facebook with short work breaks... much more fun!

   It took me many years to lose my mind. Why the hell would I want a piece of yours?

   If TMZ doesn't follow me home from work today, I'm done wearing these ridiculous Lady Gaga costumes.

   experiencing life at a rate of several WTF's a minute

   smile and the world smiles with you, fart and you're on your own.

   If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

   Let's make the days count, not count the days.

   osama we found you now all we have to do is find waldo

   Sometimes I know I shouldn't......and that's exactly why I do.

   It takes me a while to warm up to new people but I will kiss a dog I just met on the mouth.

   Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.

   How to be happy on Valentines Day: Don't expect a goddamn thing from anyone.

   I don't always sing along to my favorite songs. But when I do, I sing along to the guitar solo as well.

   Why the f*ck you buy your kid an 18+ video game and then blame the video game industry for the content?