Funny Status Messages

   not really rude, she just says what everybody else is thinking.

   Due to the current economy....I will no longer accept a penny for my thoughts. I want $1 for them now.

   The voices in my head have switched to sign language just to mess with me.

   anything more annoying then a stupid person who clearly doesn't know they are stupid!?

   For those of you who like to STIR THE POT..be sure you get a good grip on the handle!!

   Strangers have the best candy.

   If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy.

   please don't interrupt me while I am ignoring you.

   If it wasn't for my superior willpower, I might be exercising right now!◕ ‿ ◕

   If you can't be a good example, be a warning...

   enjoyed watching some jerk at Starbucks get upset because he had to wait 4 minutes for them to brew a new pot of decaf.

   The same people who are pushing "Pregnant Men Emoji's" are canceling you for "Misinformation."

   This Just In: James Comey, died in a car accident tomorrow .....

   Clinton supporters, CLASSY BUNCH THEY ARE.

   Oh Snap..I missed the Oscars again. That makes 35 yrs. in a row now.

   Just want to hang out with my friends, regardless of race, and make fun of idiots....regardless of race.

   It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name.

   I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung Galaxy phones.

   That moment when you accidently pour too much alcohol into your drink and you have to tough it out because Mama didn't raise a quitter....

   As I've gotten older, every time I look in the mirror I see my dad more and more. I guess its time to move out, its starting to get weird.