Funny Status Messages

   please don't interrupt me while I am ignoring you.

   If it wasn't for my superior willpower, I might be exercising right now!◕ ‿ ◕

   If you can't be a good example, be a warning...

   The Revolutionary War went on for like 8 years, yet we settle for a 3 day weekend? The founders would be so disappointed.

   May is National Procrastination Awareness Month.

   I wish bugs understood the concept of personal space.

   I always know what to say... It's the when and where to say it that I struggle with.

   It's 100° with an under-boob index of 110°.

   I'm wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk.

   Some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more.

   I will give you 2 seconds to figure out that you have the right of way before I take it from you.

   typed this status with his toes.

   This Just In: James Comey, died in a car accident tomorrow .....

   Clinton supporters, CLASSY BUNCH THEY ARE.

   Oh Snap..I missed the Oscars again. That makes 35 yrs. in a row now.

   Just want to hang out with my friends, regardless of race, and make fun of idiots....regardless of race.

   It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name.

   I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung Galaxy phones.

   That moment when you accidently pour too much alcohol into your drink and you have to tough it out because Mama didn't raise a quitter....

   The same people who are pushing "Pregnant Men Emoji's" are canceling you for "Misinformation."