SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Just once I'd like to be able to say that my sound is laid down by the Underground and really mean it. Do you ever get that way?

   Vodka + grape juice is pretty amazing. Pink elephants? I'm talking about some mothereffing purple elephants with fancy accents and monocles!

   Don't give me that disdainful look like I just learned to eat with chopsticks. I've been misusing them this way for years!

   If you think high waisted pants look good ur high and wasted.

   When I watch TV alone, my thumb is like a park bench for my nuts.

   The Vatican's chief exorcist says yoga is a satanic practice, which means yoga just got about 11,000,000% cooler.

   Today was so horrible I want to buy a picture of Calvin peeing on it to put on my vehicle.

   The next Mission Impossible movie should be two hours of Tom Cruise trying not to jump onto a couch after drinking seven Red Bulls.

   It bothers me that Jared from Subway has not yet been eaten by a grizzly bear.

   I fear your addiction to attention and instant gratification is distracting you from the praise-worthy stuff I'm doing.

   How do male civil unions not end with the phrase "I dude"?

   A mosquito fell into my beer five minutes ago and now he's naked and calling his ex-girlfriends and drinking my beer

   Then God said, “Let there be Internet drama”; and there was Internet drama. And God saw that it was good.

   Dear Nickelback, I'll give you a dollarback if you'll stop making music.

   I've yet to see a picture of an Occupy Wall Street protest that didn't make me say, "Hey, that's the guy who delivers my pizza."

   I got a Shake Weight for Christmas. I'm going to try strapping it to my pen!s.

   I advise you not to mess with me.. I know karate, kung fu, taekwondo, judo, jujitsu, and 47 other dangerous words.

   When someone gives you their futon, they are basically saying "you should sleep where my girlfriend got pregnant by some other dude".

   A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.

   If your parents are cannibals, the "got your nose" game is deadly serious.