Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I swallowed a quarter once on a bet. And you thought fumbling through your pockets for loose change at the checkout was a pain in the ass...
←Rate | 01-30-2012 13:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never sure how much ball cleavage to show when I wear my Casual Friday Jean Shorts
←Rate | 08-26-2016 19:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so hungry that my stomach stopped growling. Now its just whimpering.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There's apparently more traffic going to hell!!!
←Rate | 02-28-2010 06:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon If we are in a car and I love the song that just came on the radio and you turn it down to tell me something, please know that I will cut you.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 15:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon No no NO! The lace pillows go ON TOP of the pink ones, THEN the clown doll. Jesus Christ. It's like you've never made a bed before. - My next ex-girlfriend
←Rate | 09-07-2011 15:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Go down a waterslide while it isn't wet and then you'll underdstand why foreplay is so important. - That's what she said.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
←Rate | 09-30-2011 10:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I'm leaving the work bathroom and I see the cleaning lady waiting, we exchange the knowing look that I just crapped in her office.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 15:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I caught my girlfriend sliding down the hand rails of our stairs over and over... I asked her what she was doing, she said "I'm heating up your dinner!!!"
←Rate | 06-24-2011 13:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone has three lives: their public life, private life, and secret life.
←Rate | 10-17-2010 09:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone auto-corrected "haha" to "hahahaha" -- um, yea it was funny, but let's keep our pants on.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 16:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey guys, I really need your help. I'm trying to patch things up with my ex-girlfriend so I'm thinking of writing her a poem. What rhymes with, "I still hate you, you f*cking b!tch!" ??
←Rate | 03-30-2012 13:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.
←Rate | 11-03-2010 23:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Hey websites, I will always "skip intro", so knock it off.
←Rate | 11-06-2010 12:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Rabbit's foot is considered good luck! A Camel's toe should be considered really good luck!!
←Rate | 04-09-2012 22:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I've been using them for all this time?
←Rate | 11-05-2012 16:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why even ask how my weekend was if you're just going to interrupt me halfway through to say, "Yeah, I saw your Facebook post."
←Rate | 10-25-2010 19:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I find those "No shirt, no shoes, no service" signs very misleading because they never say anything about having to wear pants. Apparently, I was wrong... now gotta go to court on Thursday...
←Rate | 07-11-2011 12:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"
←Rate | 03-02-2010 22:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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