Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Thanks to M&M ads, I constantly hear tiny screams whenever I eat them.
←Rate | 11-23-2010 14:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boss just calls me into work for a quick favor & the first thing he asks me is "Are you sober?" I said "Define sober." He hangs up. I win...
←Rate | 04-22-2012 20:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon B!tch, You're a booty call, stop putting your relationship status as "it's complicated."
←Rate | 05-30-2012 17:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl walked in on me while I was on MySpace. I quickly switched it to a porn site just to save myself from an embarrassment.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 13:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started doing one of those 10,000 piece puzzles last night and it only took me an hour to flip the table over and start drinking hard liquor.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 11:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like using big words to sounds smart: utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
←Rate | 10-31-2010 15:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Knowledge is power... and I see a lot of weakness.
←Rate | 12-30-2010 15:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You make a valid point, but there is a major flaw in your argument. You assume that I'm listening to you.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 13:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad gave me some advice a few years ago. He said, "Allan, if you ever get into a fight in the bar, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock." Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk.
←Rate | 04-12-2013 11:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
←Rate | 10-11-2012 09:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped listening when you said "No."
←Rate | 01-27-2011 23:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I text my mom just because the thought of her staring puzzled at her phone trying to find her texts is difficult to resist.
←Rate | 04-28-2011 13:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon One man's "trauma" is another man's "most hilarious thing I've ever seen."
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 20:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dryer broke, microwave works, laundry is now dry.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 11:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 10:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bearded lady, the guy with all the body piercings, the dude with 14 toes, the geek biting the chickens head off... Yep, I'm in WalMart.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 14:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when you are about to say something, but that little voice of reason prevents you from it? Explain this to me, people like you fascinate me.
←Rate | 10-22-2012 14:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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