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Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 65 of 134
Thanks to M&M ads, I constantly hear tiny screams whenever I eat them.
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11-23-2010 14:17 by
Marshall the Great
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Boss just calls me into work for a quick favor & the first thing he asks me is "Are you sober?" I said "Define sober." He hangs up. I win...
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04-22-2012 20:12 by
Marshall the Great
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B!tch, You're a booty call, stop putting your relationship status as "it's complicated."
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05-30-2012 17:22 by
Marshall the Great
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My girl walked in on me while I was on MySpace. I quickly switched it to a porn site just to save myself from an embarrassment.
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03-22-2012 13:25 by
Marshall the Great
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I started doing one of those 10,000 piece puzzles last night and it only took me an hour to flip the table over and start drinking hard liquor.
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01-30-2012 11:37 by
Marshall the Great
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I like using big words to sounds smart: utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
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10-31-2010 15:30 by
Marshall the Great
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Knowledge is power... and I see a lot of weakness.
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12-30-2010 15:21 by
Marshall the Great
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You make a valid point, but there is a major flaw in your argument. You assume that I'm listening to you.
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10-31-2012 13:54 by
Marshall the Great
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My dad gave me some advice a few years ago. He said, "Allan, if you ever get into a fight in the bar, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock." Worst advice ever, I could hardly walk.
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04-12-2013 11:02 by
Marshall the Great
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I've reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
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10-11-2012 09:21 by
Marshall the Great
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I stopped listening when you said "No."
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01-27-2011 23:16 by
Marshall the Great
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Sometimes I text my mom just because the thought of her staring puzzled at her phone trying to find her texts is difficult to resist.
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04-28-2011 13:22 by
Marshall the Great
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One man's "trauma" is another man's "most hilarious thing I've ever seen."
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12-12-2011 19:05 by
Marshall the Great
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Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
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04-30-2012 20:37 by
Marshall the Great
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Dryer broke, microwave works, laundry is now dry.
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11-08-2010 11:36 by
Marshall the Great
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I think experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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06-12-2010 07:55 by
Marshall the Great
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There's a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
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01-30-2012 10:29 by
Marshall the Great
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The bearded lady, the guy with all the body piercings, the dude with 14 toes, the geek biting the chickens head off... Yep, I'm in WalMart.
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01-30-2012 14:03 by
Marshall the Great
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You know when you are about to say something, but that little voice of reason prevents you from it? Explain this to me, people like you fascinate me.
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10-22-2012 14:19 by
Marshall the Great
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There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
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10-13-2010 08:14 by
Marshall the Great
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