Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I live by my own rules... that my gf has reviewed, revised and then approved. BUT STILL MY OWN RULES!!!!
←Rate | 08-13-2011 05:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not lazy. Someone just stole my motivation. I'm the victim here!
←Rate | 10-31-2010 16:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not even my closest friends know me as well as my internet history does.
←Rate | 08-13-2011 05:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how many times that fat kid on Adam's Family locked himself in the bathroom with a playboy and that freaky hand thing?!?!
←Rate | 05-14-2012 06:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio :)
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking that the only good mornings are the ones that start in the afternoon.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 09:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon But officer, I wasn't texting while driving! I was updating my status!
←Rate | 03-25-2010 01:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi. I'm in a staff meeting. There are 62 ceiling tiles in our meeting room, 6 light fixtures with 24 fluorescent bulbs. That is all.
←Rate | 10-17-2011 13:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you get into a fist fight look the other person in the eye and calmly say "I have enough money to bail myself out of jail. Do you?"
←Rate | 06-29-2011 13:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon keeps a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff, so if I ever develop amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm freakin' AWESOME!
←Rate | 02-28-2010 09:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever watched birds and wondered: "If I could fly who would I crap on first?"
←Rate | 03-04-2010 21:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone has that moment of terror when their line of thinking goes from "Where did I park my car?" to "Did someone steal my f*cking car?"
←Rate | 07-18-2011 13:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just when I start to think mankind will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 15 minutes.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 13:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think Big. Think Positive. Think Smart. Think Beautiful. Think Great. I know,that's too much for you, so here is a shortcut. JUST THINK ABOUT ME!
←Rate | 05-02-2010 16:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and break down crying.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon 95% of American drivers say "oh sh!t!" before driving into a ditch... The other 5% are rednecks saying "hold my beer and watch this sh!t."
←Rate | 06-02-2011 16:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can go the entire car ride without eating some of your french fries, you're obviously some type of sorcerer.
←Rate | 06-05-2011 17:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never give a woman a straight answer. Give them gay answers, they love gay answers.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 16:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A jealous girlfriend is a faithful girlfriend. If she doesnt get jealous when someone has your attention, it's because someone has hers.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 16:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard the new NBA 2K13 is so real that when Kobe gets the ball, the pass button just stops working.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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