Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I'm not the man you'd hoped for or even the man you wanted me to be. Perhaps you should have just once seen in me, the man I am. 
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Not to brag, but when it comes to "going nowhere fast," I'm breaking every speed record known to man.
Just ate a bunch of garbage. Disgusting. That's the last time I pay attention to a raccoon's Yelp review.
I just read an article where a study found that men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 on a dating site, received 156% more emails than the under $50,000 ones. On a related note, my income is now $250,000. Your move ladies.....
Wanted: A fat, drunk Doctor who smokes and feels my lifestyle is acceptable
BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.
Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
At the end of each day I ask myself, "Where's my damn Oscar for that?"
If I had boobs, I'd never be able to look up again.
I know some folks who could use a 12 step program. Where 11 of those steps should be to the edge of a cliff.
So when is the next end of the world???
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew that has to follow the Kardashian's 24/7.
I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
Patriot, AR-15, Liberty, Taliban, Gun Rights, Tea Party, Terrorist, Religious Freedom. Oh, never mind me. I'm just stirring the pot with the NSA for when they monitor my Facebook account.
I just saw a guy with a hook hand and a ponytail. Dude, you cut off the wrong thing.
Why is it that the Troubleshooting sections of user manuals address every problem except the one you are having?
"Nothing but Ben Affleck/Batman crap. Why the hell am I even here??" -NSA guy 