SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   In the absence of information, people make sh!t up. Worse, if they feel threatened, they make sh!t up that amplifies their worst fears.

   Instead of a fox, I would have had the Carfax mascot be a fax machine.

   Just hired a cat sitter to sit on my cat.

   Wrote a screenplay called "Primal Justice" about a high dollar lawyer gorilla torn between his code of ethics & his lust for power/bananas.

   Retweeting about a good cause is the definition of, "the least I could do."

   I swear all my tweets end up in an empty room in brazil.

   You say "potato," I say "larger more powerful potato."

   I can think of 14 tweets about cat buttholes but I don't want you to think I'm insane or anything.

   I never understood what liking large asses had to do with being fallacious, but who am I to question the genius of a knighted rapper.

   The upside of crystal meth is I found out my dog is a great listener.

   I've spoken with 3 Kevins today. Think I'm set for the week.

   I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.

   I went to the garage today to unpack Christmas decorations. I found a present from last year that I had forgotten to give the kids. I was so disappointed! They would really have loved that kitten.

   After I bang a chick, I draw a “#” on the her lower back. I call it an #asstag.

   I went to confession and told the priest I had impure thoughts about other religions.

   Christmas and St. Paddy's Day are the busy season for midgets.

   Hm, the light changed green but we're not moving. Sure hope an idiot didn't slip through the cracks somehow and obtain a license!

   Maybe my microwave is leaking radiation, but I could swear Orville Redenbacher just asked me if I can keep a secret from my mommy and daddy.

   We've got way too many pointless idioms but at the end of the day it is what it is & it's all good.

   Due to the ever changing musical landscape, we may never know who rocked the party that rocked your body.