SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   It's hard to look at Clint Eastwood and not think we're descendants of really cool apes.

   Every time I say "I love you too", I'm thinking about the band so, technically not a lie.

   This cold, bleak, dreary, wet, grey weather has given me Seasonal Adjective Disorder.

   My "safe place" is filled with unstable chemicals and psychedelic teddy bears with knives for claws, so I guess it's kind of a misnomer.

   Nothing is scarier than an old milky eyed gypsy whispering "don'cha be 'fraid naw."

   Now that I'm older, I sometimes wonder If Hobbes really was just a product of Calvin's imagination.

   In Ashton Kutcher's defense, Demi Moore only lets him read the comic books Bruce Willis left at the house.

   I'm so tired, I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure out how to vote for Ron Paul on the self-checkout machine at the grocery store.

   It must really suck to be a podium salesman. "Are your arms tired out from holding five pieces of paper?" You need a podium!

   Encyclopaedia Britanica is going out of print after 244 yrs & I know that for a fact cos I read it on the Internet.

   I think the smartest, most original thing a person can talk about is how early the Christmas decorations are up this year.

   There's a good chance that any empty can you see rolling along the sidewalk is just Patrick Swayze's ghost learning how to move objects.

   We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.

   On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.

   If I ever meet David Blaine, I will just kick him in the nuts and then scream "Ta-daaah!"

   I guess I will call this little 9 song playlist "The Night I Got Drunk and Decided World Music was Awesome"

   Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he planned on upgrading his computer to Windows 7. Arnold's response: "I still love Vista, Baby."

   I guess Jesus was the first kid that got to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas.

   When you think about it there aren't that many songs about rainbows.

   My generosity has such underlying desperation.