One of the guys who works for me down south called in sick early this morning. He sounded like death! I ask, “How sick are you?” and he said, “I just got done doing my sister, is that sick enough for you?”
Dear wierdo at the grocery store who bought up all the Twinkies as an "investment". Bad news, they will be back on shelves July 15th. Sorry that didn't wory out for you. Don't lose hope, maybe those Elvis Presley commerative plates will still pay off.
An app that displays the word "Yo" on a freinds lock screen... and that's all it does has raised over $1 million. In related news, I no longer want to live on this planet anymore.
After an extensive scientifc study, Chris Kelly (aka Mac Daddy from the 90's rap group "Kris Kross") has conclusively proven that wearing your clothes backwards does not provide adequate protection from drug overdoeses.
Time to start saying "Happy Holidays" to people so that there is no shortage of things to complain about on Facebook. It is the season of giving, and I'm a giver.
off to the printer to have my new t-shirts made. I've got, “I beat anorexia” shirts to sell to fat people and, “I beat obesity” shirts to sell to skinny people.