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We bought a zoo, because we bought some pot.
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01-17-2013 01:12 by
Space Monkey
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YOLO - You Obviously Lack Originality
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01-18-2013 18:02 by
Vitamin N
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When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
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01-23-2013 14:15 by
Kisstopher
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Some people pride themselves on their hard work. I pride myself on doing so little and yet keeping my job.
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02-14-2013 13:59 by
Kisstopher
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Commitment doesn't scare me, the thought of committing to the wrong person does.
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02-21-2013 11:36 by
J.D.
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If beer pong has taught me anything... it's that there's no cool way to chase a ping pong ball.
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02-21-2013 13:10 by
StonerDudee
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If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else.
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03-01-2013 21:26 by
BEGO
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The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
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03-01-2013 23:42 by
Jitney
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Waiting for Kanye to jump into the ICU and tell Lil Wayne that his death is tragic.... But Tupac had the best rap death of all time.
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03-15-2013 20:49 by
xiØn
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Dear Axe Bodyspray, Please create a new bottle that allows only one spary every 24 hours. Thank you for your consideration. Signed, Mother of a ten year old boy
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03-18-2013 23:11 by
Axel
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If you've ever said "Haters gonna hate", you can go ahead and add me to that list.
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04-04-2013 08:40
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THE WORST: I just spent $30 on apples at Whole Foods and then dropped both of them!
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04-07-2013 14:33
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My past is my past, it made me who I am, I have no regrets, wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore.
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09-13-2012 21:39 by
BEGO
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If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
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09-26-2012 04:27 by
hihuggiehi
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This recurring dream where my FB account gets deleted and I cease to exist.
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10-07-2012 22:24 by
equaloppjoker
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There are two kinds of people in this world, and I don't like them.
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07-15-2013 06:44 by
equaloppjoker
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It's so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
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07-23-2013 19:58 by
@Miladyvictorian
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Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it's never found again..
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07-24-2013 21:28 by
@ubridgeguy
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Twerking.. Always reminds me of a dog trying to shake the $h1t off themselves after they poop.
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08-04-2013 14:32
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“You’re beautiful the way you are, ladies. Just kidding, you need to buy this stuff.” – commercials
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08-20-2013 11:08 by
SEAN
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