SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I just hope Tyler Perry names his 1st son 'Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry, Jr.'

   Just wanna do something crazy right now, like run naked through the sprinklers, or vote for Ross Perot!

   All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”

   For my birthday I got a pimp chalice (coffee mug), a jet pack (soda maker) and a Samurai sword (pen). Never give up on your dreams, people.

   Just learned that spraying Febreze into my mouth to chase a shot of vodka causes me to say "Heavens to Betsy!" a lot while I do a crazy jig.

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process.

   I thank, therefore you're welcome.

   At the airport heading off to spring break. TSA hassling me about my suitcase full of wet t-shirts.

   4:55 am. Just got back from sneaking into all of your bedrooms and putting your hands in bowls of lukewarm water.

   A fauxhawk is a good way of letting people know they can beat you in a fight.

   I haven't received a gift from you yet. Can you send the tracking number?

   There comes a time in every man's life when he starts using this phrase.

   My Native American name would be "Tweets While Driving".

   My friend said nacho cheese dip isn't an authentic dish to bring to this Oktoberfest party, so I guess I'll draw some swastikas on the jar?

   When I die, I want my ashes scattered in front of the TV.

   The Internet. All of the piracy, none of the scurvy.

   Just replace the Star of David with a UFO, and now this nativity scene depicts the birth of Suri Cruise!

   Anyone mind if I invented a new letter to go between M and N?

   "We Bought A Zoo" looks like the weakest of the Bourne movies.

   Never fall in love with an a$$ man, unless you're prepared to offer him the moon.