Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   To the people who don't like me... suck it. To the people that do like me... same thing. :)

   Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the "Like" button.

   Facebook is like an ex girlfriend/boyfriend that your in love with; you might not like all the changes but you still go to it when your bored.

   I saw a sign on the back of a dump truck that said: "Happiness is getting your load off."

   I wonder how long I would be on hold if my call WASN'T important to them.

   I used to follow my dreams, but then they got a restraining order.

   I've perfected the art of the “You're telling me a story that I don't care about, but I'm trying to look interested” face.

   When I'm getting it on with two or three women, I have to really slow things down so I don't get too excited and accidentally wake up.

   So Facebook is coming out with a new software that uses facial recongnition to automatically tag all pictures posted. Something tells me "drunken loser" will have the most tags ever.

   I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.

   I'm pretty sure that if I get married, the only place I'll bother registering is the liquor store.

   My girlfriend wanted us to go out and have a romantic evening instead of me staying home and watching Wrestlemania....... She's getting good at this April fools thing.

   Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like... "Dude, shouldn't you be hanging out with people your own age?"

   My girlfriend might not be the sharpest girl around. I accidentally left my phone at her house last night. I went back over to get it and saw she had texted me 5 times telling me I forgot it.

   Hey Australians, if you don't stop an end of the world status midsentence on December 21st to freak out Americans you guys are more mature than me.

   If I keep procrastinating like this, I'm going to end up back in yesterday.

   I just wrote a note to my utilities company: Dear Utilities, Life is full of surprises. This month we won't be paying our bill. SURPRISE!

   I would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a bottle of Jack Daniels as a backup plan.

   Spellcheck? I just type the words into the Google Toolbar and see if it corrects me.

   I can't stand it if I'm excluded from an activity even if I have no intention of going and don't like those who are.