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SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages
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Page: 56 of 74
It amazes me how all of these infomercials talk about different ways to make your pen!s larger, but they never mention just playing with it.
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12-13-2011 09:52 by
SuthernFukr
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Whoever said, "love conquers all" obviously wasn't very good with a gun.
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12-13-2011 17:32 by
SuthernFukr
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Just when you think uni-brow humor has reached it's peak, BOOM! Telemundo steps in and takes it to the next level.
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12-17-2011 08:45 by
SuthernFukr
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My dad still has the mind of a scientist. In a jar on the mantelpiece in his basement, right under the moose head.
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12-20-2011 20:31 by
SuthernFukr
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I'd like to drink less alcohol but I don't want to murder my family with a hammer.
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07-09-2011 17:57 by
SuthernFukr
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They say the more you drink the higher your tolerance is, but that's bullsh!t because my friend's an alcoholic & he still hates gays.
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02-22-2012 09:29 by
SuthernFukr
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Sometimes when I'm sad I cry into my Brita filter. Turning each teardrop into an uplifting refreshing beverage.
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03-27-2012 20:21 by
SuthernFukr
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To honor John Lennon's death, Newt Gingrich suggests hiring children from poor neighborhoods to clean Yoko's bathrooms.
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12-08-2011 18:20 by
SuthernFukr
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Auto correct is my worst enema.
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04-19-2012 10:03 by
SuthernFukr
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Hallmark, I'll go 50/50 on this card with you: "Moisten your inbox, baby; this Valentine's coming in hard."
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02-14-2012 15:24 by
SuthernFukr
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God gave me the ability to pee and brush my teeth at the same time. I'm like the Tim Tebow of he bathroom.
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12-28-2011 09:08 by
SuthernFukr
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FIELD REPORT: "You gonna let me sniff that whisker biscuit or what?" is an extraordinarily unsuccessful pickup line.
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02-10-2012 10:17 by
SuthernFukr
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Turns out "LEGO" is Danish for, "Ouch! That hurt my foot!"
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11-21-2011 09:00 by
SuthernFukr
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I have yet to see a security guard I couldn't beat the sh!t out of.
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07-31-2011 11:36 by
SuthernFukr
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How long do you have to wear a soul patch before your cravings for souls goes away completely?
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01-30-2012 10:31 by
SuthernFukr
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Just held up an Etsy store. Made off with 37 woven hemp bracelets, a crappy candle and $1.54 in cash.
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12-11-2011 08:50 by
SuthernFukr
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I invented a new sexual position called "The Republican" where I screw poor people.
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03-29-2012 11:11 by
SuthernFukr
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Just saw a redhead drinking Ginger Ale. It looks to be making him stronger. We must stop him before it's too late.
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01-24-2012 10:50 by
SuthernFukr
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The worst thing that can ever happen to a hangover is a call from your mother.
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10-08-2011 21:34 by
SuthernFukr
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Free range chicken is better. The false illusion of freedom before slaughter makes them extra tender.
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02-02-2012 10:44 by
SuthernFukr
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