Funny Status Messages

   a pant-busting crush on you.

   Happy bday beyonce the only singer to b almost 30 nd not pregnant

   Heigh ho! Heigh ho! It's Off to the Bar I go.."

   If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

   Never buy a car you can't push.

   had four E's and LSD last night, Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!

   I can stop a speeding bullet. Once.

   Ok ladies, a night with me will give you examples for your future daughters of what kind of guy to watch out for, but in the meantime, it will give you one hell of a story to tell your girlfriends!

   wants a Web redemption

   Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes you close your eyes and hold on in shear terror and other times you just have to throw your hands up in the air and enjoy the ride.

   proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years :D

   NOTE TO SELF: Remember not to post about my personal life on FaceBook. And don't forget to pick up condoms for my date with whats her name..........

   Labor Day marks the beginning of the NFL and college football seasons. Nascar holds the Southern 500. Labor Day marks the last days of Summer. In 2010, the Holiday was cancelled because too many people couldn't remember what it meant to have a job :)

   Allergies: Nature's way of saying, "I know you're not sick, but I want you to feel like you are anyway!"

   Whenever I worry that I've been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book.

   Ever worry that the sensor on the back of an automatic toilet is actually a little video camera?

   Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....

   There are 70 ways to make a woman happy. 1 is shopping and then do the rest. If you know what I mean.

   It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.

   I would like to wish all the moms out there a Happy Labor Day Weekend!!! What?... That's not what that means?