SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Listening to a Spanish female duet in a Greek restaurant. It's confusing to me and all these Koreans.

   The truth shall set you free... if you have a spare $100,000 for legal fees.

   This lady was saying how her daughter is "super strong for a 2 year-old." Now I'm testing the kid and she can't lift sh!t.

   I don't deal well with good-byes. I'm better with good-riddances.

   Leftover Chinese food makes a damn fine breakfast.

   My favorite thing about senior citizens is their medicine cabinets.

   Got a little frosting on the iPad and long story short now playing Angry Birds with my tongue.

   So a celebrity can just mention a product on Twitter and then they get them sent to them for free? OVEN MITTS!!!

   Decades of vets went out & sacrificed their lives so you can eat a McRib & complain about how much your country sucks.

   My thoughts are strangers with rides and I keep getting in.

   Why are these Occupy Wall Street hippies constantly interrupting perfectly peaceful gatherings of angry police officers?

   I wonder how popular the occupy Poland movement will get? #toosoon?

   People need to stop trending #LMFAO. I've seen obesity statistics, you're not laughing anything off.

   Autocorrect thinks idea sells furniture.

   Newt Gingrich doesn't just have skeletons in his closet, he has the whole bone army from the 7th Voyage of Sinbad.

   I'd like to put a big red bow on the coffin of the guy who came up with those Lexus ads.

   Wearing a Santa hat is a great way let people know you're a wild card.

   I am on a rowing machine. It's like being on a boat only with less screaming.

   Starbucks has the best coffee of any homeless shelter I've ever been to.

   I spend way too much time figuring out how I'm gonna get drunk.