Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Well, It is becoming very self evident who the REAL and True Tolerant people in the US are. Just look who can't refrain from being violent.

   How was the peaceful protest at Berkeley last night? Did they quitely sing kumbaya?

   Beer, because no good story ever started with a salad .

   The opossum, skunk, squirrel and groundhog saw their shadows today, but didn't see the .🚚 that smashed them on the highway

   Subpoena...Such a silly word. Sounds like a term used to describe a man who is below average downstairs.

   I'm not the type of guy to " keep the little woman in the kitchen" Not when there is yard work to do and a car to wash !

   I'm a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.

   One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.

   I don't really WANT to make bad choices; but I'm always late, and all the good choices are already taken..

   When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

   I'd be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.

   DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets

   Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable

   I reenacted the romantic scene from "Lady and the Tramp", but it wasn't what I expected; my dog ate all the spaghetti.

   If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren't there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?

   Wife : Even if you cheated on me, I wouldn't leave you. Me : Really? Wife : Yes. Why would I reward you for cheating?

   Why does this day just keep repeating itself?

   Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..

   pretty sure my girlfriend got her superpowers from being bit by a radioactive female dog.

   Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as identical twins in zebras?