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I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out. 
It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.
It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south.Hurricanes & tornados, people still go to work, Snow, deserted streets and empty grocery stores.
“Catch me outside, how about that?
I hope Mexico doesn't raise the cost of Tequila and Produce to pay for this wall.
Children's berry flavored delsym on the rocks... For when you're sick but still want a drink to sip on.
We all live in a yellow submarine
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn't actually catch the murder on video?lol
In other news, Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam. His new name is Kareem of Wheat.
Not ALL politicians are liars. Some of them actually believe the stupid crap they say...
*smashes bag of Oreos and pours it on salad*
Eating healthy is great
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
"Shia LaBeouf" sounds like something a French person would say after a really raunchy fart.
why call it a tree trimmer and not branch manager
Good lord if you just have to reissue a 20 year old joke, at least get the punchline correct. It's Kareema Wheat, not Kareem of Wheat. God Almighty!
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
That women's march looked like a 200,000 bagger...
Have you ever been to Columbia ? 2 biggest exports are coffee and cocaine.. and the place still looks like crap. You're gonna be up all night anyways, pick up a broom once in a while.
There are as many white rappers as there are black country singers and for the same reason .
If you say "I shouldn't be telling you this" at the beginning of a conversation people will pay attention to you.
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