Funny Status Messages

   My friend called me a fatty today... If I wasen't busy eating my fried twinkie I would of slapped him

   You ever fire up your leaf blower and blow your neighbor's chihuahua down the street??

   I am sorry we fought. I hate it when you're wrong.

   Was playing air guitar and ripped her spandex while doing a mock stage dive off the sofa!!

   For those of you who like to STIR THE POT..be sure you get a good grip on the handle!!

   anything more annoying then a stupid person who clearly doesn't know they are stupid!?

   Problems are only really ever a problem when you let them become that way . Keep it simple !!

   Wait, you're telling me that if I kill off and entire culture and take credit for discovering a land I in no way discovered,I'll get a random Monday in October off from work? Only in America!..... Happy Columbus day!!

   In preparation for the end of the world in 2012, I am building an Ark. I am going to to need two of everything, Two Blonds, Two Brunettes and Two Redheads.

   is a straight ally and today is National Coming Out Day. I'm coming out for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality because it's 2010 and almost 90% of LGBT youth experience harassment in school, and too many lives have been lost.

   ‎"A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows."

   In preparation for 2012, I am building an Ark. I am going to to need two of everything, Two Blonds, Two Brunettes and Two Redheads.

   Two blondes were driving to Disneyland and the exit sign reads: DISNEYLAND LEFT. They started crying...

   Today needs an eject button.

   Michelle Obama has been picked as the world's most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place:............. Justin Bieber.

   On Columbus Day, we celebrate the discovery of places that have already been happily occupied for years.

   You will never understand people, just understand that.

   Those who complain the most accomplish the least.

   I didn't go see the Social Network because I was worried I'd run into people from high school that I don't remember or didn't like.

   Having it all together is not my style.