Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Well, Bill, now I see how you came up with the word 'Microsoft'." -Melinda Gates, on their wedding night.

   The Movie/Book "50 Shades of Grey" was only romantic because the dude was a freakin Billionaire. Heck .... If he lived in a Trailer ... The story would have actually been an episode of "Criminal Minds"

   On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   Tomorrow is the official Electoral College vote. Or as it will be more popularly known: "The Day Hillary Lost The Election For The Third Time."

   Def Leppard is the safest music to air drum to while driving because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

   Dear Lord, Please use thy healing powers to see over Aleppo. And Lord, while you're at it, please check on his brothers; Groucho, Harpo and Chico as well. Amen.

   The people who insist you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" are just trying to Police Navidad.

   I'd like to go to Holland someday wooden shoe?

   Got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-Eleven last night. Hope I don't catch Slurpees.

   i have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

   The ox and lamb kept time?? I'm calling BS on that one...

   People act like they've never seen winter before. It happens every f'n year, ya know?

   Put it this way, if they take aways "fake news"... you'll never get to see Cowboys fans bragging about how great they are.

   I think 2016 will be known Historically as "The Year That Everyone Was Offended by Absolutely Everything." .... Well .... Hopefully we can look forward to 2017 as being known as "The Year That Everyone Grows Up!"

   I just found out that my wife is actually Mrs. Santa Claus!! At least that's what my kids tell me.

   Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around calked Unused Sick Days. Apparently it's very contagious.

   We had joy we had fun, specially in your mother's cun....

   Whatta ya want for breakfast? Burnt toast and a rotten egg. Burnt toast and a rotten egg? Whatta ya want that for? I got a tapeworm and that's good enough for him!

   Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.

   Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.