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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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What if our dreams are just us seeing what the other versions of ourselves in alternate universes are doing?
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11-26-2016 03:10
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Wish I were a little kid so I could take a long nap and everyone would just be proud of me.
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11-26-2016 03:11
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We can drink a drink, but we can’t food a food.
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11-26-2016 03:11
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I wish I could unlearn English for one day so I could hear how it sounds without meaning.
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11-26-2016 03:12
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Brushing your teeth is the only time you get to clean your skeleton.
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11-26-2016 03:13
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Steps to survive on a dessert island: 1. check spelling 2. if correct, enjoy
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11-26-2016 03:13
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What if Ghosts try to kill you only because they want you as a friend? You ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.
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11-26-2016 03:14
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People need to understand the difference between want & need. Like I want to have hot body but I need chicken nuggets.
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11-26-2016 03:15
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Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
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11-26-2016 03:16
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Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
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11-26-2016 03:17
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Last month Ferrari introduced a new super sports car with a price tag of $2.2 million. They already sold out all 200 that were available. Darn! I shouldn't have taken so long trying to decide what color I wanted.
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11-26-2016 03:17
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Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
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11-26-2016 03:18
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If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
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11-26-2016 03:18
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“i’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “im telling mom”
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11-26-2016 03:19
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The reason why tomato soup and grilled cheese is such a good combo is because it’s basically the same ingredients as pizza.
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11-26-2016 03:20
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The Brad and Angelina situation is hard to take. For starters -- it ruins my hopes of one day being adopted by them.
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11-26-2016 03:20
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One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.
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11-26-2016 03:20
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When you need magic to happen all you have to do is say "Abra cadabra" and realize you're an idiot for thinking you could make magic happen.
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11-26-2016 03:22
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Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.
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11-26-2016 03:22
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My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home
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11-26-2016 03:23
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