Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   All I'm saying is never ask a bald man if he remembers something off the top of his head.

   Why get thinner when you can get more dinner?

   How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.

   I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them

   If your name is Nancy and you get pregnant you will be pregnancy.

   it’s almost 2017 and food can still make you fat get your act together science

   Here's a story,of a LOVELY lady
 who was bringing up three very LOVELY girls
all of them had hair of gold, like their mother.
the youngest one in curls. RIP CAROL BRADY

   So you're going to the Black Friday sales? Didn't you say you were thankful for everything you had yesterday?

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample ovee others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   My entertainment today consists of browsing the commitment reports to see how many domestic battery arrests were made during Thanksgiving dinner...

   My elf on the shelf is just a credit card bill I move around to pretend I dealt with it.

   Not sure why libs are whining. They've been given a gift in Hillary's loss. The gift of 4 years of complaining which is what they do best. Make that 2nd best. Doing nothing is what they do best.

   I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.

   It's national turkey club sandwich Friday. . .

   I'm so high,I'm jamming with Hendrix and Prince .

   .... Darn .... Trying to watch the News Channels to find out which ones are the official purveyors of Government Sanctioned News and which ones are the official Government Sanctioned Fake News stations. I'm so confused. Please help out ...Anybody Know?

   Fidel Castro dies at 90.

   Listening to the news right now .... I'm trying to figure out which ones are the "Real" and which are the "Fake" News Channels. Some are portraying Fidel Castro as a Champion of the People. Is that considered as Real or Fake News?

   A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?

   The first guy who heard a parrot talk was probably not ok for several days.