Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I say let the liberals have all the abortions, free birth control, and gay marriages they want. If they don't repoduce they will soon cease to exist.

   This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like's your idea"

   So broke this year that i'm having a Thanksgiving Chicken instead...

   What's that electral dysfunction commercial that says "Call a doctor if you have a painful election lasting more than four hours"?...who do you call if it lasts a whole year? Oh wait it wasn't an election...oops never mind ;)

   Wait, I'm confused. Is Pete Burns Dead or Alive? (Too soon?)

   What I learned in high school: If you lose the game, don't dump Gatorade on the coach's head.

   HA ... The Government says that 93 Million people are out of work but yet say that Unemployment is only at 5% ..... The total population of the US is 325 Million so I guess they're using Common Core Math to arrive at that result.

   Does anybody out there know the Google Map Satellite image co-ordinates of any Nudist Colonies?

   They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year.

   I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.

   Got a notice from the HOA that I didn't post a pic of my kid at a pumpkin patch.

   For Halloween I'm wearing a big mirror on the lower half of my body and going as when you accidentally open your front-facing camera.

   No amount of college can prepare you for how angry you'll get at the way people park in the real word.

   Funny how in school we referred to everyone by their first and last names but as adults we're just like "you know what's-his-face."

   To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don't care about being healthy and smelling clean."

   Owning a cat seems like a really satisfying Instagram experience.

   Just saw a lady walking down the street who looked like she was made out of 80% boot and 20% scarf.

   You don't need to dress up as Harley Quinn for Halloween, you're 38.

   The only thing I have in common with people who go on Shark Tank is that I, too, cry anytime somebody gives me money.

   Weird how 2X and 4X power dishwasher pods are the same price, like there's a market for people who only want minimal dishwashing power.