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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Don't call 911 when you hear screaming and yelling at one of my family gatherings. We're Greek, and just having fun cooking dinner.
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10-15-2016 21:33
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Add excitement to your marriage by putting soap in one of the cast-iron pans.
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10-15-2016 21:34
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When you volunteer at a soup kitchen, apparently it’s “inappropriate” to put out a tip jar.
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10-15-2016 21:35
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You used to be able to tell a finicky child his meal was made with love. Now they double check if it's gluten-free love.
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10-15-2016 21:36
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My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
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10-15-2016 21:36
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Life has given me many scars. And by 'life' I mean my (several) attempts at rollerblading.
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10-15-2016 21:37
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Anyone have a copy of "Men are from Bars, Women are from Venus" my girlfriend suggested I read it....Don't really need to read it, that's where we met.
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10-15-2016 21:39
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Amazing how much sex you don't get when you wear a denim shirt.
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10-15-2016 21:41
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The problem with my new job is that I like all my coworkers which gives me a lot less tweet material than my last few jobs.
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10-15-2016 21:42
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hate songs that ask you questions like seriously I have no idea what I'm gonna do after the boys of summer are gone.
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10-15-2016 21:43
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If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
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10-15-2016 21:44
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This joke is 100% vegan, gluten-free, no artificial colors or flavorings, unprocessed, sugar-free - and that's why it sucks.
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10-15-2016 21:45
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...... In the end ..... without even a fight .... A once great Nation .... Was gone. History in the making. Vote wisely folks.
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10-16-2016 22:29
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Pot Roast. Two of my favorite things.
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10-17-2016 10:16 by
Fazzella
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I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriend’s knickers today. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’ve been wearing them all week.
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10-17-2016 11:11 by
thejoke.cafe
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Filled the tank up with petrol today. Now all the fish are dead.
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10-17-2016 11:13 by
thejoke.cafe
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If a woman says she’s wrong, is she still wrong?
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10-17-2016 11:13 by
thejoke.cafe
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Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three hours ago.
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10-17-2016 11:14 by
thejoke.cafe
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Facebook, making people who would’nt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.
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10-17-2016 11:14 by
thejoke.cafe
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My wife’s leaving me as I’m too controlling. It’s ok though, I’m not letting her.
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10-17-2016 11:14 by
thejoke.cafe
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