Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Doesn't matter who the public votes for president, it's up to the electoral college! get over it people

   Did you know that some tickle fights result in someone peeing their pants and someone's corpse being dumped in a ditch.

   Guarantees in life: 1) Death. 2) A restaurant server will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill.

   I put the 'sexy' in Dyslexic.

   Hey Moms and Dads! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school, be lying on the floor screaming in pain, "YOU STEPPED ON A CRACK!"

   1) You'll get mauled. 2) You'll get gored. 3) You'll get eaten. The “reasons” why you can’t have a bear, a bison, or a wolf.

   Just sprayed "Sheer White Cotton" air freshener in the bathroom. Now, it smells like sheet.

   Just ordered "coffee" off the Starbucks secret menu.

   A week of Conservative attacks against Bill Clinton's character and sexual indiscretions has me convinced Bill Clinton won't win this election.

   Seven billion other people on the planet. Congrats on yet another day without having your genitals collide with any of em.

   There is always a black woman on the bus having a loud argument on the phone.

   Don't let the door hit your 'Man Bun' on the way out.

   Perhaps next year's Columbus Day sales would be a 24-hour shoplifting spree.

   Just when you think parenting can't be any weirder, you find yourself consoling your son, upset that he can't get a squirrel to hug him.

   Question: What part of this $7.50 Walmart t-shirt makes you think I'd like to see the wine list?

   "That's the spirit!" she said, picking her poltergeist out of a police lineup.

   Recently learned that it's impossible to make eye contact with a hotel maid while giving her used hand towels.

   Hangman is a great tool to teach children that if you can't spell a word, someone could lose their life because of their ignorance.

   Spoiler alert: Going to more than one rodeo does not make you any smarter.

   Justin Trudeau should just run the whole of North America!