Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   When the Spice Girls chose their "Spicy" alter-ego nicknames, the girl with the biggest boobs should have chosen to go by Spice Rack.

   Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.

   My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.

   Just signed all my Facebook friends up for free samples of Astroglide. Happy Holidays!

   Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.

   Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!!"

   When you start to believe your own lies is when you know you're getting good at it.

   Props to the radio stations!! I know it must be difficult with the different lengths of songs yet you still manage to sync ur commercials with every other radio station!

   Almost 7 billion people on the planet and I find about 10 of them somewhat tolerable once in a while.

   Why do they even make car alarms anymore? When's the last time you heard one and didn't just walk away muttering about what a douche they are?

   Toddlers have an uncanny ability to hear & repeat every cuss word you utter but ignore every suggestion on avoiding injury & imminent death.

   You know before Facebook, I use to call up 435 friends of mine everyday... just to tell them 'how much I hate my work and how much I love getting stoned.'

   The postage is outrageous on these mail order brides!

   I remember a day when actions used to speak louder than words. Then along came Facebook.

   I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane.

   You don't want to look back on your life and say, "I just made it through."

   Halloween isn't really that different than any other day... everyone's still pretending to be someone or something their not.

   A man went to see a psychiatrist, wearing only Gladwrap shorts. The shrink said, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

   Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. For many people today is Toileto de Puko

   Sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.