Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I had a late nite knock (rather hard) on the front door....Before I knew it I was flushing items down the commode.....On a side note....if you flush skittles it looks like a overhead view of NASCAR at Bristol..

   Today is our 9 years anniversary here. Keep em coming folks

   OK .... Since the latest Leaks and emails surfacing are proving the facts to be true ..... Perhaps it's time to watch the movie "Clinton Cash" on YooToob to see what kind of person you are really voting for.

   I was a creepy clown before it was wrong and considered illegal.

   Good luck listening to 80's music without imagining my silhouette doing karate poses.

   In the 16th century guys named Gaylord were the toughest son's of b**ches around.

   Bouncing happily through life on a pogo stick made of delusion.

   You made me think of "Hotel California," prepare to die.

   Instead of using someone's name for hurricanes, we should use safe identifiers, like Hurricane Apteryx, Calculus, Oatmeal, or Centipede.

   When I'm at a club and the DJ says "Raise the Roof!" I'm always like "no thanks!" I came here to dance not to do carpentry.

   If loving the mole people and helping them enslave humanity is wrong I don't wanna be right.

   Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night.

   The only reason I haven't taken a rifle up into a clock tower is the stairs.

   I want to reincarnated as a seagull that flies around theme parks, stealing churros that are absentmindedly being held by toddlers.

   Spends 2 hours rescuing a baby squirrel during a hurricane but is always too tired to make her own burritos.

   It's only Wednesday morning and I've already had to have the "You will not become the bird lady from Mary Poppins" talk in the mirror.

   Remember when Saturday morning TV was all great cartoons? Now it's just porn. That might just be my TV, tho.

   Hello darkness my old friend, shall we spoon?

   Siri, how much would I weigh if I had one of those machines from Star Trek that made food appear out of thin air?

   What's the appropriate snack for watching the series finale of America? Heck, it did have a good 240 year run.