Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   it still called a mimosa if it's with vodka and there's no champagne and it's in a flask and you're in a dumpster?

   Probably the worst thing you can hear when you're wearing a bikini is "Good for you!"

   The Lady and the Tramp spaghetti kiss scene except it's me, alone, eating a Hot Pocket over my sink.

   Birth control pills should come in Pez dispensers that feature a tiny baby head crying on top.

   Top 5 Fears: 1) Snakes. 2) Tornados. 3) Avalanches. 4) Spiders. 5) A baby not high fiving me back.

   if you had one chance, one opportunity, to eat warm regurgitated food or fresh dog po0, what will you take? Hilarious or Dumph?

   A coworker stopped by to inform me she had lost 30 pounds. As I watched her walk away I realize I had just found the 30 pounds.

   So, one candidate wants to fix an economy that made him a billionaire while the other supports killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers...

   I didn't realize that the circus stayed in town so long. Also I thought there was more to it than a clown and a freaky old lady. When does it leave?

   Corn mazes would be a lot more fun if they would start earlier in the growing season and make it an "All you can eat" corn-on-the-cob-fest

   Hillary couldn't even establish a "No Fly Zone" on her face!!

   For some reason the "Samsung Galaxy Note 7" has become the preferred phone of terrorists.

   I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to those in America who still have faith in, and who resoundingly support Hillary Clinton. I applaud all 3 of yall :)

   I watched some of the debate last night...I kept on waiting for someone to say "Live from New York it's Saturday Nite"!!!!! But it never happened.....

   I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"

   I sprained a finger when I saw a post that said "unfriend me if you don't support Clinton", I couldn't click fast enough.

   If Hillary were President, she would be all, I am sorry, I am not sorry, I am sorry, I am not sorry, I am sorry, I am not sorry, What the hell, I am PMS'n leave me the f#ck alone. . .

   Boss makes a dollar, while I make a dime. That's why I poop, on company time.

   Apparently you will need a firearm license before purchasing the Note 7 replacement

   I just got offered a great deal from Vodafone. A new Samsung phone and a free fire extinguisher.