Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear Tom Cruise: Life is what you make of it. Not what you make believe of it

   thinking the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades

   thinks the incest rate across America must drop so much on nights like these ... You know, when they're all watching the Country Music Awards instead!

   HEY EVERYBODY ON FACEBOOK!! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!!....i'm so humble..ok..that is all...

   Zombie hunting, It't not just a sport, its survival!

   Opted for SWAT team costume for Halloween. Cheap and easy. It occurred to me, however, that I've got a toy weapon. Would that be Toy Weapons And Tactics? I don't think it would be copacetic to place the acronym on the shirt.

   i just found out that turning off all the lights in my house and pretending I'm blind does nothing for my boredom,so then I tried playing pictionary with my dog and cat but they're so STUPID!!

   So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?

   Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

   wondering when Hallmark will make a greeting card for the Single men for there Holiday you Know PALM SUNDAY !!

   Alright, who left the bag of idiots open..

   thinking that school kids are dumb. Whenever they watch a student with a "KICK ME" sticker on their back, they LAUGH, instead of kicking!

   I can't stand it when someone use's an apostrophe "s" to make a word plural. It drive's me nut's!

   Feeling a little horny today. I think my check-engine light is ON.

   My catholic priest molested your honor roll student.

   I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

   MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!!! The fact that you have a "Baby on Board" sign in your back window does not exempt you from getting your ass rammed if you insist on driving 55mph in the left lane...regardless of the posted speed. You have been warned.

   Happy Birthday USMC! Thank you to all our vets and active soldiers :)

   I just bought some Axe Body wash and now my balls are sqeeky clean too!

   One for all and all of one..Translation- Every man for himself!!!