Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Absolutely need to work on my social skills. To avoid sitting in a restaurant, I just called in a pickup order from the parking lot.

   Canadians have their own Alcoholic program..........Eh Eh

   If I were a dwarf, I’d be Gassy.

   A lot of women love the "bad boy" mentality, so today I wore tennis shoes but had no intention of playing tennis.

   Not only would I vote taco trucks on every corner, I'd vote for one in my living room.

   Chris Brown allegedly pulled a gun on a woman. I'm shocked because he said he was sorry when he beat up Rihanna.

   Fish food is a one time purchase. If you go through more than a canister in 10 years your fish has an eating disorder.

   I just yelled "Yo Joey" at the Springsteen concert in New Jersey and 2/3rds of the crowd turned around.

   Do you think Magnum the ice cream bar company and Magnum the condom company ever feud about who's is bigger?

   Never bring a knife to a gun fight; unless it's attached to a gun; look...just also bring a gun. Matter of fact just don't go to the fight.

   Message to Veterinarians: If people are stealing prescription meds from their pets, maybe you should stop prescribing Oxycontin to goldfish.

   When I see a framed first dollar earned hanging in a business I wonder how many stripper's butt cracks it was in before that.

   Who needs facts? That's what opinions are for. New political slogan....

   People all upset about someone not standing while wearing hats about how America sucks and voting a draft dodger.

   One of the greatest moments of progress in world peace and democracy was tearing down the Berlin Wall. Only a true psychopath would think building a giant wall is a progressive step in our world.

   If we don't build a wall on our northern border, they'll soon be maple syrup and Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.

   You know your weed man is getting too popular when he has his own Snapchat location filter.

   Why aren't Cadbury eggs available year round?

   My favorite brand of tent for camping is Marriott.

   While we're all talking about it, can I suggest a Fish n Chip truck on every other corner?