Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sorry, but if your 8-yr-old has the audacity to tell me what color belt he has in karate, I'm obligated to fight him. This is about honor.

   Sorry I took 2 Benadryl and drank a wine cooler and got kicked out of Chuck E. Cheese during your kid's birthday party.

   Heading out for a weekend camping trip. Anybody know the WiFi password for "the woods"?

   The only reason to have pepper spray as defense against a bear is so you can spray it on yourself so the bear enjoys its meal....

   Pre-marriage counseling should include putting up a tent together.

   "I was Country, when Country wasn't cool." Newsflash. It still isn't.

   The Democratic and Republican parties that we once knew no longer exist. Extremists to the left of me, control freaks to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with broads.

   It's so hot outside I attended a Hillary Clinton rally just to be next to something shady.

   The night before the 1st day of school is just like Christmas Eve for parents

   I hope the guy who invented speed bumps dies waiting on an ambulance.

   Han Solo is apparently quite distraught that his granddaughter Hope didn't stop that last shot.

   .... You're offended? ...... Well .... How does it feel to be so weak that words can hurt you?

   If I ask my mom to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It's the button on the left!"

   I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.

   If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit", then yes, I do like Opera.

   I haven't seen one medal awarded at the Olympics for participation.

   My debit card isn't the only thing I wanna tap tonight.

   Hope Solo should have the "Shut the Hell Up" special for dinner tonight.

   Shoutout to the American voters for narrowing our options down to the jerk from 'The Apprentice' and the inspiration for 'House of Cards'

   Hillary wears them long pant suits because she dosent have the typical "Camel Toe". She has what some people call "Moose Foot"