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The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…
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09-09-2013 12:26
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Just remember, If we get caught you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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02-15-2013 19:25
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Many things can be preserved in alcohol, dignity is not one of them...
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03-05-2013 06:36 by
YODA
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Do you think St. Patrick is looking down from heaven thinking, "What are they doing? I hated beer and the color green."
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03-17-2013 07:17 by
flinnie
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I don't run away from my problems. That's immature. I ignore them.
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03-21-2013 17:43
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Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early and I am too.
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05-03-2013 15:06 by
Me
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My morning bowel movement would be a lot more relaxing if it happened at home or at work instead of during my commute
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06-13-2013 18:26 by
snotty
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0
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Ladies, if you are not that good an artist on paper, what makes you think you are a good artists on your eyebrows? Stop domestic violence against eyebrows!!
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06-16-2013 09:13
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You're not stupid, You're just an exceptionally gifted monkey.
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06-19-2013 04:32 by
equaloppjoker
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I also refuse to turn the beat around........
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01-20-2016 18:52
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Blow jobs are a great last minute gift idea for Valentine's Day.
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02-14-2016 15:05
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1990: call me on the new line in my room 2000: call me on my mobile flip phone 2015: don't call me
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03-26-2016 14:34 by
Aaron
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The only technique I've mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
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04-08-2016 16:07
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My Life Coach just explained to me that I've been in the placebo group.
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05-02-2016 07:08 by
snotty
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0
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Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college.
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05-02-2016 19:23 by
Snotty
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This election is just dragging on too long. It's like the world's longest Nicolas Cage movie...
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05-03-2016 14:28 by
eengrms
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Starting to think that guy in the mirror doesn't like me.
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05-09-2016 18:07
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Dear America, feel free to use me whenever you want. Sincerely, common sense.
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05-13-2016 05:40
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At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they're empty.
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05-15-2016 06:28
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If you leave a bottle of Ritalin inside a Ford Fiesta it will become a Ford Focus.
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05-28-2016 00:58
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