Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   .... So .... Julian Assange just revealed that the guy behind the Leak of Hillary's Emails IS the guy that was murdered last week. Gee .... What are the chances?

   "We don't like any of this! Wait, we LOVE this thing here!" -The Internet

   Just saw a dolphin that had a tattoo of a white girl on its rear fin.

   Man of Steel 2 is in development. So he didn't die? How about a SPOILER ALERT!!!

   Bearded Dragons are just hipster reptiles.

   Not saying I'm lazy but my computer was running slow today so I closed all the open tabs and found one that was still logged into an AOL chat room.

   True fear is getting in your car at night and seeing a spider and hitting the windshield wipers and realizing the spider is in the car.

   How often do I use this exfoliating bath sponge if I want to lose 40 pounds?

   If you begin your argument with "My whole thing is," I will hand you a pudding pop and never speak to you again.

   If I ever opened a crystal meth kiosk at a mall, it would be called “You Do the Meth!”

   My wife could work for CSI the way she can spot one of my hairs on the sink after I shave.

   I’ve hugged my mother-in-law with more warmth than those female gymnasts at the Olympics.

   If Tim Tebow plays in the MLB, I hope it's for Anaheim. So after an 0-4 day, the headline will say: "Even Jesus Can't Save The Angels."

   Used to think drunk texting ex girlfriends was a bad thing than I started sober texting ex girlfriends.

   Would someone go to the kitchen and bring me some Doritos? I'm busy yelling at world class Olympic athletes to swim faster.

   After I pet someone's dog, I look the person in the eyes and gravely tell them "He knows what you did."

   Being a woman is exciting because we don't know what mood we will be in next or for how long.

   Some call it 'Hump Day.' I call it 'False Advertising.'

   Religion will never reform or save mankind because Religion is a form of slavery.

   .... I've decided some changes need to be made to the US Constitution .... Like ... Dusting it off and putting it to use like it was intended to be.