Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey ... Even Duct Tape can't fix Stupid ..... But at it can muffle the sound.

   Pokemon Go is now more popular than Tinder another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.

   I miss the days when the scariest thing on TV was "The Twilight Zone" and not "The Nightly News."

   Why can't we drop all the hyphens and just be Americans?

   Speakers tomorrow night at the GOP Convention include Erin Moran, Burt Ward from "Batman" and the dude that played Urkel. ‪#‎starpower‬

   Life is good .... the alternative is not.

   I'd give five bucks to hear Melania say, "Moose and Squirrel"...

   Remember that one time when Kanye West made a song dissing gold diggers? Then turned around and married the biggest gold digger in the country?

   On a deteriorative scale, my liver is somewhere between Ozzy Osbourne and Charlie Sheen.

   Planet Earth or as other worlds like to call it, The Planet of Idiots.

   Hey africans, we know yous dont have legal vehicles or jobs to go to but please refrain from dancing in the road and blocking traffic

   Pikachu? Come to my backyard and get a Glockatchu!

   In Melania's defence, in her country it is considered a compliment to plagiarize a speech from the previous First Lady.

   I just met Melania two speech writers... Mr. Copy and Mrs.Paste.

   I jist wants ma monies froms da guberments and not gets shot at whiles I be doin bidness

   I live in a Madhouse run by a tiny army that I made myself.

   Claiming a product promotes "Weight Loss" when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming that it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.

   FYI ... In 08 President Obama's "Just Words" speech was slammed for using the exact phrase from Mass. Gov Deval Patrick. Vice President Biden responded to the allegations by saying "Everybody does it!"

   I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.

   250,000 Union Soldiers died to end slavery in the United States ..... They were the first and genuine Black Lives Matter movement.