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"It's so nice to see you finally working together," I tell my kids as they overthrow me. 
Why dont they serve hotdogs at a gay picnic. because they taste like shiiit
Somebody please introduce these Anonymous Hacktivists to PokemonGo, might get them out of the house for a bit.
The Rick Springfield Paradox: If you get Jessie's Girl, she is no longer Jessie's Girl, and you have obtained nothing.
Question: Is sexual healing covered by Obamacare?
Freak out your neighbors by removing one member of their stick figure decal family each night.
Our neighbours are the type that run marathons. We're the type where, as we get out of the car, empty donut boxes fall out.
Often wonder if ax murderers hide in the woods or live in regular houses. Anyway, have fun camping this weekend.
Don't want to jump to conclusions but you look like you have a porch couch.
Any of you folks finding that a litter box is just more convenient than a toilet?
Brie is my favorite cheese that sounds like a white girl you meet for a mani/pedi while drinking Chardonnay & quoting "Mean Girls."
Haven't tried heroin yet, but I imagine the rush is like remembering I have pie in the fridge.
If you watch "My Cousin Vinny" 12 times in a calendar year, you receive a law degree from the University of Phoenix.
If you run into a wall or walk off a cliff while chasing a Pikachu, I'm going to Laughatchu.
This Pokémon stuff is getting way too serious. My doctor was giving me a colonoscopy yesterday and found a Pikachu.
We live in a world where trained cops can panic and act on impulse but untrained civilians must remain calm with a gun in their face.
Ironically, the mullet was probably created to STOP red necks.
Well ... Judging by this Chalk Line around me ... I must have slept really good last night!
there anything other than Pokemon happening out there in the world? .... Nah
It's a good day to be an avid indoorsman. Just harvested some berries from my fridge and slaughtered a Pop-Tart.
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