Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   You know what's worse than your tribal tattoo? The story about why you got it.

   Admit it, once in your life, you've tried to guess someone's password but failed.

   Rule of thumb when hitting on co-workers... if you're cute, it's flirting. If you're not... it's sexual harrassment.

   A North Carolina waitress was fired for complaining on Facebook about a small tip she received. A lesson to all servers who like to post online complaints: write them where they'll never be seen — on MySpace.

   Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?

   feels sorry for all the hassle Toyota drivers have had to put up with the last few weeks, they deserve a brake...

   Facebook should just change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?" ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆

   I hate when people inbox me to tell me how funny my status es are... Motherf*cker there is a "like" button for a reason!

   Facebook has pretty much made it impossible to ever again say, "I had no idea it was your birthday!"

   With the success of "Teen Mom" as well as "16 & Pregnant," MTV is proud to announce their new show "15 & F*cking."

   Always pick the girl smoking ultra-light cigarettes... it means she's used to sucking a little harder to get what she wants.

   I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems. I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them.

   Winter Weather Advisory: Go back to bed until mid April.

   If you only remember one thing today, remember this.

   I've seen a lot of people discussing the Tupac hologram and debating if it's disrespectful to him. I personally think we're losing sight of what's really important here... we're one step closer to having holographic strippers in our living rooms!

   I will make a book called Math for dummies and I'll sell 1 for 10 dollars or 2 for 30.

   I got a job as a bounty hunter in China, I couldn't believe my luck!...Every time they put up a new wanted poster, the guy they were looking for was standing right next to me!

   Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever anything bad happens, it's always "Who's responsible for this?"

   My ex sent me a picture to remind of what I'm giving up. I sent her a picture of my new girl so she knows I don't give a crap...

   I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.