Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How awkward do you think Prince William's stag is going to be when he realizes he's stuffing pictures of his Gran into a strippers thong?

   How do you know the Native Indians invented the toothbrush ?..Because if the white man did it would have been called the teethbrush..

   Have you ever taken a dump on the toilet backwards? It's so awesome you can read book or eat a meal or even work on the laptop without heating up your legs. Such a great experience. You never have to get up.

   going to hide in the wallmart clothes rack and say welcome to narnia

   just heard from a friend. Changeyour profile picture by December 12th to your favorite moon of the planet Jupiter to help fight childhood obesity amongst cats. Copy and paste to spread the word.

   They Say There Is No Better Christmas Gift The A Homemade One That's Why I Will Be Giving Everybody Crystal Meth This Holiday Season

   This Girl At The Office Keeps Trying To Get Me Fired, She Keeps Saying I'm Giving Her Innapropiate Massages At The Work Place, Well I Say Goodluck Sweetheart I Don't Even Work Here

   If I'm not gonna shower tonight I'm gonna at least baby wipe my hole and baby powder my balls. Same diff

   I'm not saying it's bad for a girl's pubes to be showing.... I'm saying it matters which end of her shorts they're showing from.

   Dear Santa, I was framed.

   I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

   You don't get old, you just become a classic.

   when life hands you lemons, through it back at live and say hey I asked for limes

   Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin' STILL isn't easy.

   If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak.

   Facebook keeps telling me your friends are waiting, go use friend finder to find your friends. stfu seriously go find your own friends facebook and leave me the hell alone.

   ■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!

   I heard a fantastic idea today. Instead of the strip-screener machines at the airport, we need a reinforced isolation chamber, once in, any explosives on the body are somehow detonated. Everyone is happy.

   My sex drive isn't too bad..... There's a hooker just three blocks from here.

   In this kind of weather I like to get a space heater, a good book, a pot of coffee, and curl up on the toilet.