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Behind every man is a beautiful woman, shaking her head. 
I earned my certification as a freelance gynecologist...now I need a slogan. "No matter the stench...I'll examine the trench" Thoughts?
An asteroid and volcanic eruptions wiped out the dinosaurs. Technology and the misuse of it will wipeout mankind.
ran 2.7 mi today , apparently the ice cream truck dosen't have rear view mirrors,. I hope that the time when we paid with two protein en-crusted tube sock's full of corroded pennies didn't have anything to do with it...
It is Canada Day, so go out and pet a beaver.
I was forced to retire as a Gynecologist. I got tunnel vision.
... Turns out Corporal Klinger would no longer qualify for a Section 8 Discharge in today's enlightened US Army!
At anger management classes in Canada, they teach people to apologize less sharply.
Starting the Independence Day celebration today at work by wearing red, white, & blue and shooting deer from my office window with my AK-47.
Fourth of July weekend is when we finally get to play our favorite American guessing game, Firework or Gunshot!!!
It’s Fourth of July weekend, or, as I call it, Exploding Christmas.
Always have the most fun on the Fourth of July. You don’t have to exchange any gifts. You just go to the beach and watch fireworks.
Happy Canada day!!!!! 🇨🇦cheers to living in the best country in the world!
May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th alcohol consumption.
Thank god our Founding Fathers didn't decided to declare independence in winter, it's BBQ and beach time!!!
Just a friendly reminder for Canada Day and Independence Day, fireworks look way more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.
Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China this weekend.
When I was younger, I thought July 4th was celebrated because of the film Independence Day....I was so wrong.
I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of my freedom or gunshots....
Our cat doesn't like fireworks so we just let her hold sparklers every Independence Day.
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