Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hmmm ...Tuesday Bill Clinton has secret meeting on private jet with Attorney General Loretta Lynch, On Thursday The Attorney General has ALL Clinton Foundation emails sealed until 2018. Coincidence? or is it time to wake up to the corrupting of America!!

   "If you think Golden Corral is fine steakhouse dining, you just might be a redneck."

   People who go on to open a second Facebook account because you've reached your maximum number of friends, get a life!

   Nancy Grace is leaving CNN to spend more time exploiting abused minors in the private sector.

   I'm starting to find apostrophes a bit possessive.

   Can I get Zika from watching the Rio Olympics on TV?

   Nancy Grace decided to leave CNN to spend more time annoying the crap out of her family.

   TSA moving operations to outside of airport. That must explain the full cavity search I received in my airport hotel room.

   Now that Millennials are getting older, it's only a matter of time before we have memojis.

   There's no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.

   A balloon gives my kids a solid hour of entertainment: 3 minutes of fighting over who gets the balloon, 57 minutes of crying after it pops.

   Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.

   Go on a romantic walk with her. Run your hands through her hair. Take her out to a nice meal. So what if she's a police horse, who cares?!?!

   My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.

   They call cat people crazy but they're not the ones outside at 5AM every morning putting fresh dog poop into tiny baggies.

   Looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.

   Now is the time when we need the calm and reassuring wisdom of people who studied abroad in the UK for a semester this summer.

   Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.

   Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.

   Finish your plate, there are people starving at Victoria's Secret.