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IF I cared, I'd draw you a map of your ass with an X marking the spot where your head is buried." 
i like to say a BIG HAPPY CHRISTMAS to the person who dropped money on the floor today.thank you
With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm actually hoping for coal this year!
thinks Santa should send all the naughty people Justin Bieber CDs instead of coal for Christmans
I am going to open a coffee house and charge more than Starbucks. The sign above my cafe will be written ever so elegantly, "Voler Votre Argent."
I'm sending my friends Justin Beiber CDs because fruitcake is a traditional Christmas gift.
Santa is too real! I saw him outside the liquor store last night and he smells of Bourbon and Marlboros.
I'm an angel, the horns are just there to keep the halo straight
Fricken spellcheck. Looks like Santa will be bringing me a nice piece of glass this year.
I'm never disappointed. everything happens for a reason. I jus get pissed waiting to see what dat reason was exactly.
Winter Weather: where a couple of inches will keep a woman in bed all day.
I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping. I took my girlfriend into 8 different pubs without a drink, and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
I hate the way cats stare like they got something on you.
All I want for Christmas is a Komodo Dragon named Pookie.
Christmas shopping is a pain in the cash.
My doctor recently took me off all my medications. It turns out I'm really an 82 year old man named Morris from Staten Island.
Merry Winter Solstice....sugar coat it all you want with your own personal ignorance
Oh Facebook! you go through more Design Changes than Women do wid clothes!!
My mom woke me up today at 2, I was so hung over, she told me I needed to get a job, I told her I got 3 last night.
If New things are supposed to be an improvement over their previous version, I would really hate to visit the original Jersey.
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