Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I saw a science show on how we're merely energy sources who come back as other energies in subsequent lives. I can see it now, I'll be a 9 volt battery in a transistor radio from the 60's tuned to an Elvis only station.

   I now hold it in my hands. Finally. The expressed written consent of the National Football League.

   just found out that Major Lazer is a group not an individual. for how long were you guys planning on keeping this a secret? how long?

   According to The Prophecy, today is my Hot Mess day.

   Consider this Diem Carped.....

   When asked my weight, I give what it is on the Moon.

   Am I the only person who thinks that Walmart is missing out on a major opportunity by not having a Golden Corral at all of their stores?

   The number 867-5309 has been disconnected .

   Mrs Browns Lovely daughter must have a lovely daughter of her own by now shouldn't she ?

   If you think she posts a lot of photos of her pregnancy wait until that kid arrives.

   Yahoo's search engine is just two drunk guys leaning out a third-floor window accousting passerby with your questions.

   If somebody just joined Facebook now either their 10 year prison stint is over or they're newly separated.

   Any body up for playing some Tennis...we can use my balls.!

   I don't really care about your opinion of me, but I met a dog earlier that didn't like me and it's still messing with me....

   Bad Inspirational Quote: Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get - like anaphylactic shock for unlisted nuts.

   Remember when Ron Paul was too crazy to be President.

   "The system is rigged." --Bernie Sanders after losing at Monopoly

   Public Pool Etiquette: Before urinating, one must raise one's hand and flab one's wrist as to alert others to vacate the pool.

   Dating Red Flags: She shows you the "good behavior" pin she received in group therapy.

   If a trip to Golden Corral doesn't make you pro-choice, nothing will.