Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Michael Vick says he wants a dog someday. Which is a little bit like John Wayne Gacy saying he'd someday like to have a teenage boy.

   Rumor has it that Wikileaks was on the verge of disclosing what Willis was talkin' 'bout.

   I finally found something Sarah Palin and I have in common. We've both failed Trig.

   What does it mean when a girl calls you 2 or 3 times every single day? I mean aside from the fact that she works for MasterCard™.

   Just read that California leads the nation in depression cases and adultery. ....What a sad state of affairs.

   "Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

   Try this, the next time your friend is drunk, switch his/her mom's number with their girlfriend/boyfriend's...

   - Why is it that if a guy proposes to a girl and she's refuses it's called 'wanting her freedom' and when a girl proposes to a guy and he refuses, it's called 'being scared of commitment'. =|

   Ctrl+V...Ruining every sense of originality since its invention.

   OK Santa I followed your stupid rules all year...it was hard not killing anyone or punching anyone in the face but I did it.....so If Milla Jovovich isn't under my tree this year you'll be first on the hit list Fat Man!

   I've Decided To Get MARRIED :All Women May Now FORM AN ORDERLY LINE...... .. Only The Most Beautiful Or The Very Rich Women Need Apply . . Please Send Me A Private Message With Your Photo or A copy Of Your Bank Balance ,The Winner Will Notified By email

   wonders if vampires feed on diabetics when they feel like having candy!

   What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA

   I don't care who you are, fatso, get that sleigh, and those reindeer, off my roof!

   Santa better take me off the naughty list or I will black out the moon on Monday night.

   Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing been complaining?

   Just drank a sugar free, caffeine free, soda. I'm so happy that they finally found a way to bottle nothing but nasty aftertaste.

   Am I the only one that flips back and forth like a little kid when I discover 2 radio stations playing the same song?

   Doin the same thing I do every night...Try to take over the world!

   If I had a dollar for everytime that I wished I had a dollar......