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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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You are part of a puzzle in someones life. You may never know where you fit. But, someones life may never be complete without you in it.
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06-18-2016 08:26
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I got my long-awaited colonoscopy last week. I was going to upload the full video, but decided to hold off on that, mostly because I want Morgan Freeman to narrate it.
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06-18-2016 08:27
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Love becomes weak if it is not strengthened by truth. Truth becomes hard if it is not softened by love.
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06-18-2016 08:28
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When does Red mean GO and Green means STOP?? Answer: when eating watermelon.
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06-18-2016 08:32
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Being clean and sober means i've showered and am heading to the liquor store.
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06-18-2016 10:07
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The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia.
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06-18-2016 11:55 by
Fazzella
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Life is not a fairy tale guys........if you lose a shoe by midnight your drunk.
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06-18-2016 14:19
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I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal
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06-18-2016 22:11 by
unknown comic
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Why didn't the gay cop from "The Village People" save the day in that Orlando club?
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06-19-2016 00:05 by
total package
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Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...
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06-19-2016 05:51
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Pro Tip: A box of donuts placed on top of the mailbox will keep the police from breaking up your party.
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06-19-2016 05:56
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Only while camping can you pee in the middle of the night while staring into the eyes of a bear.
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06-19-2016 05:58
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The guys from Insane Clown Posse originally started rapping while working their way through clown community college.
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06-19-2016 06:00
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The best things in life are free drugs.
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06-19-2016 06:00
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Contrary to rumors, a full moon before the summer solstice is not bad news. Unless you're a werewolf who likes to go to the beach.
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06-19-2016 06:03
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My Mom always told me to dress as if I'm gay, which I guess makes sense since my clothes came out of the closet.
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06-19-2016 06:05
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You're a living oxymoron if you get distracted while driving a Ford Focus.
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06-19-2016 06:07
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When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.
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06-19-2016 06:08
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I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal.
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06-19-2016 06:09
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You know what this clogged toilet needs? More toilet paper! Kid logic.
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06-19-2016 06:11
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