Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   All of those movies that had a black President in charge of America at the end of the world were wrong. Turns out it will be an orange one.

   In heaven, if you get angel hair for dinner the manager comps your meal and apologizes repeatedly.

   Why does Victoria Beckham call them boobs and not a Spice Rack?

   Mind of a 21 year old man, body of a 45 year old lesbian...

   I need to stop lying to my therapist. I also just need to stop lying. I don't have a therapist.

   I had assumed Netflix's The Do-Over was about Adam Sandler traveling back in time to fix his career. I was wrong.

   Ever get the feeling that stuffed animals are only silent because they're judging you?

   I'd like to congratulate Hillary Clinton on clinching the Democratic nomination. Does anyone have her personal email address?

   Pro Tip: Apparently, 20 minutes is "too soon" to tell the new employee that the company is a godawful living hell of misery and despair.

   Your popularity in High School will translate well into the real world!!!

   I'd give my wife my coat if she's cold but I'll take it back if I become cold and maybe she'll be prepared next time we go out.

   Here's hopeing Kanye's next surprise cancellation will be "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

   Here's hoping Kanye's next surprise cancellation will be "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

   Canadian Birthday Traditions: Apologizing for the candles being so hot.

   When I want to trim down my friend's Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.

   They give you a poker chip when you reach 6 months clean in Gambler's Anonymous.

   The chances of me going to a party increases 100% if they have a dog.

   .... It turns out that Hillary Clinton has 21 media advocates on her campaign payroll. Isn't that kinda like having 21 Used car salesmen hired to sell one car?

   That Judge was associated with the Mexican activist group "La Raza" Dummy and yes you do join that group.

   Somebody please remind me who founded the Klan before uneducated accusations are made.