Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Pitching a marriage game show called ""Fine or Not Fine?"

   Olive Garden didn't treat me like family. If they did they would've blown cigarette smoke in my face and told me what a disappointment I am.

   Just saw a man wearing a pager. Apparently, he's expecting a very important call from someone in 1994.

   I think my coworkers like me mostly because I’m too busy texting to judge their work ethic.

   The first bee is always the calm before the swarm.

   Shout out to all my fans out there! [mom stands up and waves]

   When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.

   I just assume I do everything wrong since I don't have a wife to confirm it.

   I am not narcissistic. I just wonder how all of this pertains to me....

   Charles Barkley sounds like a made-up name a dog would think of to get into a fancy country club.

   Dogs Barking at Night Translated -- Dog 1: Hey! I’m a dog! Dog 2: No way! I, too, am a dog! Dog 3: Ok, you guys aren't going to believe this...

   Request to Disneyland to have a 101 Dalmatians attraction where you literally just sit in a room surrounded by 101 Dalmation puppies.

   ... I think it's sad that my retirement plan consists of buying a lottery ticked every week. But when I DO win ... I am totally retiring!

   Hey, If I was an African American defendant and found out that the Judge in charge of my docket was associated with the Klan .... I too would definitely question his ability to judge my case.

   Heard somebody in the US gets stabbed every 52 seconds .... Poor Schmuck

   A gay Christian is not an oxymoron, a hateful Christian most certainly is....

   Oh you're voting for Hillarious Clinton the crook. I am not saying you're stupid, but voting for her only proves you are. . .

   Here's another way to pi$$ off a liberal.. tell them to obey the immigration laws. . .

   Crib instructions should come with a warning that you may end up divorced before assembly is complete.

   A lady would text you at 8:10 and expect you to text back at 8:09