Funny Status Messages

   Fruitcakes are like kids. Eighteen years later they're often still found just sitting around your house.

   I will consider running a half-marathon the first time I see someone smiling while doing it.

   High on life and also a tiny bit of paint.

   says it just isn't fair there are children starving in Africa, And I wake up looking this good.

   Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

   When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves

   Fubu shirt- $100 ; Rocca Wear sweatshirt- $80 ; Sean John hat- $50 ; Realizing you're white... Priceless.

   There are two things I cannot stand: racism and asians

   I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I've sure woken up with a few.

   Licking pu$sy is like playing with the mafia: one wrong move and your in deep sh*t.

   I you don't go to other peoples funerals, they won't go to yours.

   Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. ~Jane Wagner

   Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

   If normal is a relative term, then why aren't my relatives normal?

   A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

   Hates when he gets really comfortable in bed just to relize he left the over head light on and the switch is all the way across the room

   Do yourself a favor and stay off of a scale for at least a month! Trust me...

   See, you think I give a sh@t.. Wrong! In fact, while you talk,I'm thinking; How can I give less of a sh@t?that's why I look so interested..

   If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other for silly reasons !!!... :P :D

   Non-Alcoholic beer. It's like going down on your cousin. Tastes the same but just not right.