Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's weird how certain expressions go out of style. Like it's been a while since I've heard someone say "hey, you look great".

   Fact: When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.

   I started vaping to fit in with my friends, who are mostly steam whistles.

   Nothing good ever goes down behind beaded curtains.

   Getting stoned to death doesn't sound like that bad of a way to go.

   If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want to be alive.

   Give the gift of life. Become an organ donor. Hot singles in your area will appreciate it.

   I'm 'when Hanson came out I thought the drummer was a hot girl' years old.

   If I worked at Starbucks, I'd ask for your name then write it on the cup with quotation marks like I don't believe you.

   Mom don't worry, we were in rehab together.

   Under People you might know, Facebook has decided to put a bottle of vodka. Well Played FB, well played.

   Keep your cats close and your other cats closer

   Somewhere along the line, this country's slogan went from "Make America Great Again

   I wish there was a way to musically tell someone to pour sugar on you.

   Ever notice most of the Graduates of the University of Phoenix go on to do great things, like commercials for the University of Phoenix.

   My buddy sent me half a bottle of his Viagra Pills... not for me, but for my car.... every time I fill my car up with gas, I put one in and it makes my gas gauge stay up longer.

   I called 411 and asked the operator ''I'd like the number for Larry Smith in Silver Spring, Maryland. ''There are multiple listings for Larry Smith, Do you have a street name?'' I hesitated ''Well, uh some people call me Snake."''

   Yesterday at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History Security was all over the area... They patted me up and down a couple of times... They frisked me, I was even groped. Then I got back in line.

   "I just read about a new 24-hour day care that's opening in India. Yeah, it's pretty cute, instead of playing telephone, the kids just play tech support.

   "The Army is releasing Osama bin Laden documents including his final words, 'Who in the hell is knocking on my door at this hour?'