Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nipples...Mother Nature's thermometer.

   What if Peter Parker had gotten bit by a radioactive beaver?

   I'll punch you and take your taco.

   You are not designed for everyone to like you. You're not pizza.

   I typed my symptoms into Web MD this afternoon, Turns out I'm Gary Busey .

   Giant douche or turd sandwich? ....the choice is yours.

   Remember folks...the left wing and the right wing are all part of the same bird!

   I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name.

   I wonder if Magic Johnson ever regrets wasting the world's best porn name on a basketball career.

   I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but you'll never convince me a chicken fried this rice.

   Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.

   If you're wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don't google 'old man bond age'.

   Nature in the country: watching a deer drink from a stream. Nature in the city: watching a rat and a pigeon fight over a condom.

   1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys.

   Fun Prank Idea: Put Kool-Aid in your friend's shower head. Then, when he or she gets in the shower, set their house on fire.

   When playing dodgeball, remember the golden rule: Hide behind the fat kid...

   Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn't doing his part of the chores around here.

   Don't tell my pillow I said this, but, I don't think he'll ever fulfill his dreams of becoming a hairstylist.

   Ladies, if you want a guy to look at your face instead of your chest, eat a banana.

   Yawning is your bodies way of saying 20% battery remaining.