Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Poverty is a death sentence," Bernie Sanders declares during Baltimore stop. Too bad Bernie doesn't feel the same way as he just fired hundreds of his loyal campaign workers.

   Sad to say this, Bernie campaign is on life support. Perhaps a GoFundMe page to revitalize his campaign might help...

   Don't worry Bernie supporters, there's a good chance Bernie will run as Retirement Home President sometime in the near future.

   Lifetime os filming a new series about the ongoing struggle women have with freezing cold feet. It's a Sockumentary.

   A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

   All music is dance music if you're bored enough.

   If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

   "You're crazy" = the last resort from a losing opponent.

   When life knocks you down to your knees, remember that it's the perfect position to pray.

   I now identify as a person who wants his own private bathroom while in public.

   She said she recognozed me from the Vegetarian Club but I've never met herbivore.

   Can I get a Hell Yeah if you don't know what you're doing with your life and you don't get enough sleep.

   If stress was a drug I would be high as fuck.

   Things I Hate About Work: 1) Waking up. 2) No drinking. 3) Humans. 4) Working. 5) Drinking is frowned upon. 6) Can't hide in the bathroom all day.

   Me In 2016 Shaking An Magic 8 Ball: "Will I find love this year?" Magic 8 Ball says, "Hahaha get a cat." D'oh!!!

   Facebook is now a place full of whiny Bernie supporters waiting to be offended with whatever Hillary promises.

   People on House Hunters are always saying that they need room to entertain and guest bedrooms so family can visit. Actually I need a moat filled with gators.

   Interesting Fact: The belt is actually the first "original" ADHD medicine.

   Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I'm gonna get the Government involved so you can't leave....

   I could never work at a lighthouse. There is a 100% chance I'd get fired for making the Bat signal.