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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
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04-23-2016 03:53
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I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
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04-23-2016 03:53
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What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
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04-23-2016 03:55
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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
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04-23-2016 03:58
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My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
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04-23-2016 03:59
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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
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04-23-2016 04:02
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Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.
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04-23-2016 04:03
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"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing....except when you're at a funeral.
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04-23-2016 04:09
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What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
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04-23-2016 04:23
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Olympic track makes you feel like you witnesed a crime, because you hear a gunshot and then see a bunch of black guys hauling ass.
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04-23-2016 04:34
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How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
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04-23-2016 04:36
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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
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04-23-2016 04:44
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But do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.
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04-23-2016 04:58
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I wanna get rich enough to say to someone "nonsense, you can stay in our guest house"
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04-23-2016 07:43 by
unknown comic
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Maybe, just maybe, if we tell all these young people with their faces glued to their phones that the brain is an app, they'll start using it.....
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04-23-2016 07:53
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Sarcasm: noun/ The brain's natural defense against Dumb.
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04-23-2016 08:58
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There's never a bad time forcertain people to become 'missing persons. 'Today is no exception.
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04-23-2016 09:24
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Im going to write bad checks at Target because I identify myself as a billionaire....Shame on my bank for restraining me from what I'm destined to be!
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04-23-2016 10:54
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Have yet to find one person who has actually been entertained by Cedric
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04-23-2016 11:37
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Sea gulls are like the Kardashian sisters; if they weren't so frickin' annoying they would actually seem quite beautiful.
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04-23-2016 12:07
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